Verne Troyer Makes a Sex Tape, Simultaneously Causes Everyone to Gouge Their Own Eyes Out

This has got to be one of the most awful things ever leaked to the public.  Defamer reported today that a sex-tape featuring Verne Troyer (who will forever be remembered as “Mini-Me” (above)) and his live-in girlfriend at the time.  No offense to Troyer, but please, nobody wants to see you in a sex tape.  Everyone just wants to know you as the adorable little midget who bites Mike Myers’ balls in The Spy Who Shagged Me.

But that isn’t the only news for the occasional actor and former reality star.  TMZ reports that Kevin Blatt (the artistic genius who brought you One Night in Paris) has acquired the tape and is looking to sell it to a distributor for $100,000.  A hundred Gs for amateur midget porn?  Either inflation is rising or our tastes are hitting rock bottom.  Either way, its downright disgusting and uncalled for.

Just please don’t star in any pornos with this guy.  Please.

The Awesome Year of Terrible Television

(From left to right: New York Goes to Hollywood, I Love Money, Rock of Love Girls: Charm School)

As if VH1 couldn’t do any worse, their anticipated line-up of “celebreality” shows looks seriously dismal.  For the love of god, we hope that you’re not stuck at home and forced to watch these train wrecks in progress, let alone, go online for the exclusive web content.  And it seems that central casting has had a very hard time finding new camera whores participants, mostly because almost all of VH1’s new shows feature people we’ve seen before.

After The Jump: The Full Rundown

Britney a Baby Mama Once More

Oh my god, y’all!  It looks as if perennial-tabloid-headliner Britney Spears will be getting to spend some more time with her babies!  According to TMZ, Britney has been granted overnights with her two sons Sean Preston and Jayden James, a small step forward in what has been one rollercoaster of a custody battle.  Maybe her good behavior and willingness to stop being a train wreck was partially inspired by her brand-new-mom lil’ sis, but even though she can now say goodnight and sleep in the same house as her sons, she and ex-Kevin Federline are due back in court on July 15.

And just when you thought Britney was getting to be a normal person again, she goes ahead and does this.  Not helping Brit…

(Image via Evil Beet Gossip)

Anne Hathway’s Ex-Boyfriend Actually a Huge Scumbag (UPDATE)

Yesterday it was revealed that Raffaello Follieri, the now ex-boyfriend of actress Anne Hathway, is a sketchy ass motherfucker.  Why?  Oh nothing, he just totes lied to a bunch of investors claiming to be an insider with The Vatican (The Vatican?  Is that the best off-the-cuff lie you can think of?  You really are sick).  And now he’s being charged with money laundering and fraud.  Yay!  Usually, a greasy European investor with claims of wild connections and power should have been a red flag, but I mean, its hard to turn down someone who claims to be BFFAE with The Pope…

UPDATE 2:30 PM: People.com is reporting that Follieri was hospitalized earlier today for an acute sinus infection following his court appearnce in New York, and that when the police arrested him this morning, he tested positive for opiates.  Messing with the papacy?  Using opium?  Is this guy living like its 1849?

After The Jump: The Saga of Anne and Raffi

Well This Explains A Lot

Two weeks ago we reported on how New Yorkers are essentially crawling with STDs.  Well, the front page of amNY might explain how we got so disease-ridden.  According to the article, 40% of New Yorkers with multiple sex partners (which is 11% of the city population) didn’t use a condom the last time they had sex (of course, they only sampled like 0.1% of the population, but whatevs).  So basically, that cute girl at the bar probably has the herp, but we’re probably not gonna slip on a magnum anyway before the night ends.  Hmmmm.

It sorta makes this career sound very safe and attractive.  Then again…