The Lane Train

News and Pop Culture for the Blog Generation

Guess Who Got Married?

Posted by thelanetrain on November 25, 2008

That’s right, kids.  Everyone’s favorite power couple/douchebag collective/braindead idiots Heidi and Spencer got fucking married.  Yup.  All that fighting, drama, catfightting, and bitchery that seems to pervade their forever engagedness on The Hills was for nought.  Accoring to Newsday, the two eloped to Cabo San Lucas, Mexico (Wow, really?  I guess that’s slightly better than getting married at Senor Frogs in Cancun) and tied the knot in a private ultra secret ceremony.  Not even Heidi’s folks were there!  And what’s worse, Spencer even told Heidi, “You complete me”.  See, not even Spencer can write his own wedding vows.

Also, get excited, Hills fans.  NANA PRATT IS THROWING DOWN NEXT WEEK!  OHHHH SHITTTTTTTTT!  Clearly I wish I had more of a source than watching next week’s trailer.


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President Barack Obama

Posted by thelanetrain on November 5, 2008

Well, it happened.  In the race between a young Illinois senator and his foot-in-mouth running mate versus the old man and the hot lady, Barack Obama pulled out a landslide victory to win the 2008 Presidential Election and become the President-elect, setting him up to be our great nation’s 44th president.  All this while breaking racial barriers and becoming our nation’s first Black president in the country’s more than 230 year-old history.

The election of Senator Obama is not just a cultural milestone.  It represents the voice of a people, tired of fighting a neverending war in the Middle East, tired of conservative politics and fear-driven tactics, and tired of the Bush presidency and party.  We have certainly heard over and over again in his speeches that Mr. Obama wants to bring change to Washington and America, and that he hopes to restore our nation’s good name to the rest of the world.  I don’t know how much of his word he can live up to, but I certainly hope that Obama can deliver.

In his victory speech last night in Chicago’s Grant Park, standing with the people, he urged Americans that he needed their support, not only from those who already support him, but from those who didn’t vote for him.  American needs to unify, to come together, and Obama called to end the division of “red states” and “blue states”.  It was certainly a stirring moment, and thankfully, the election was decided by the end of the evening.

Click here to see an electoral map to see exactly how Obama soundly defeated McCain.  He even got a bunch of swing states to go his way.


Posted in National, Politics, Pop Culture | 1 Comment »

Heidi Montag Faces Actual, Like Totally Serious, Consequences

Posted by thelanetrain on November 4, 2008

So it turns out that everyone’s favorite actress and fashion plate Heidi Montag like, totally got her ass handed to her last night on The Hills.  You see, Heidi works worked at a promotions company that was basically her dream job: open up and promote exclusive nightspots in Los Angeles.  Novel.  So last night when she was supposed to be the dutiful event coordinator of the exclusive trashy “new” lounge Fourteen (actually reads “XIV”), she not only brought along her assclown of a fiancé, but proceded to get “totally wasted”.  She downed half a bottle of tequila in full view of her coworkers and went around screaming “Woooo!  I’m like totally wasted!”  But as it turns out, her boss found out about her rampant drinking and quickly canned her.  Poor unemployed Heidi.  Now she’ll have to…be a reality star full-time.  What a shame.

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Posted by thelanetrain on November 4, 2008

Today is Election Day.  I don’t really care who you want to vote for.  You can vote for the socialist terrorist with the horse-gaffer, or the dying old man with Ms. Wasilla, or you can waste your vote on a third party candidate, but please, for the love of our country and for the love of democracy, please vote.  Your participation in our government helps make America the greatest country of all.  So do yourself a favor and exercise your right to choose your next leader!

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Tonight on TV: The Barack Obama Smile Time Variety Half-Hour Spectacular!

Posted by thelanetrain on October 29, 2008

It’s the can’t miss event tonight on Primetime.  Actually it’ll be on three of the major four networks so you can’t miss it (unless you really like Pushing Daisies).  Barack Obama’s half-hour ad is attempting to appeal to the entire nation, not just a bunch of swing dates and districts.  By airing nationally, he will try to show that we are all united, as one nation in throwing our vote and support towards him.  And he’ll probably say a lot about spreading the wealth, change, hope, etc… you know the damn drill already.

Although I wish it was more like this.

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Friday’s Political Roundup

Posted by thelanetrain on October 24, 2008

Hah, this actually happened last week (I think) after Sen. John McCain mistakenly walked off the stage in the wrong direction (and not, according to popular belief, by trying to initiate a game of grabass with Sen. Obama).  But aside from this attention grabbing (pun intended) picture, two very important political items occurred this week, one local and one bizarre.  Details after the jump.

After The Jump: A mayor for life and a Hockey Mom goes to Neiman?

Read the rest of this entry »

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Has The Hills Gone…Downhill?

Posted by thelanetrain on October 24, 2008

It’s still the number one show on MTV, but chances are, you’ve probably been skipping The Hills to watch actual scripted teenage drama.  Yes, there are definite signs that the juggernaut of all reality shows is slowly backsliding like the folks on Celebrity Rehab.  In this post, I’ll try to explain some of the unsettling omens that the fantasy playworld of Lauren, Whitney, Heidi and Audrina may soon cease to exist.

After The Jump: Evaluating The Hills post stardom

Read the rest of this entry »

Posted in Celebrities, New York, Pop Culture, Television | Tagged: , | 1 Comment »

My First Poll: User Feedback Time

Posted by thelanetrain on October 23, 2008

As I mentioned in the post below, my posts lately have been kind of erratic.  The calendar on the left will show that in the last month alone, I have posted very infrequently and on odd days and times, so to BETA test this brand new poll feature that the fine folks at WordPress have introduced, I would like to ask you, my readers, how often I should update the blog.

With that, here goes nothing:

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Personal Promotion Time!

Posted by thelanetrain on October 23, 2008

Hi everyone!

Time for some organizational stuff.  In an effort to boost my presence online and prepare for full-blown internet coverage of an upcoming semester abroad, I have decided to join Twitter.  You can access my profile here.  I pretty much just set it up so forgive me if its barebones, but if you want to follow me around and know what I’m up to when I’m not snarking it up (and consequently, why this blog has been so erratic in recent weeks), go for it.  It’s all part of my masterplan to be the next Nick Denton, or Julia Allison (*shudder*).

In the meantime, below is a video that I recently made with my fellow comedians.  It pretty much answers the question of what would happen if two of our most beloved products were merged into a single entity: sports drinks and cheap liquor.  Enjoy!

I would recommend clicking through to the video page and watching in HD if the quality on this post sucks.

Posted in The Internet, Uncategorized | Leave a Comment »


Posted by thelanetrain on October 20, 2008


Gawker reported today in its gossip roundup that the two were “whisper-fighting” on an Amtrak train to Washington, and while the brawl never escalated into a full-fledged fight, Lindsay was apparently talking smack about VP nominee Sarah Palin and advocating for herself rather than the couple.  The most troubling thing about this item?  The fact that Lindsay has to ride around the nation on a train than, say, in a private chauffered limo.  Ruh-oh…

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