The Lane Train

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Posts Tagged ‘Heidi Montag’

Heidi Montag Faces Actual, Like Totally Serious, Consequences

Posted by thelanetrain on November 4, 2008

So it turns out that everyone’s favorite actress and fashion plate Heidi Montag like, totally got her ass handed to her last night on The Hills.  You see, Heidi works worked at a promotions company that was basically her dream job: open up and promote exclusive nightspots in Los Angeles.  Novel.  So last night when she was supposed to be the dutiful event coordinator of the exclusive trashy “new” lounge Fourteen (actually reads “XIV”), she not only brought along her assclown of a fiancé, but proceded to get “totally wasted”.  She downed half a bottle of tequila in full view of her coworkers and went around screaming “Woooo!  I’m like totally wasted!”  But as it turns out, her boss found out about her rampant drinking and quickly canned her.  Poor unemployed Heidi.  Now she’ll have to…be a reality star full-time.  What a shame.

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Heidi and Spencer to Open Bar in Manhattan, Spencer Won’t Attend Unless He Pays Himself Club Fees

Posted by thelanetrain on August 29, 2008

The new season of The Hills is only two episodes in, but there’s already bi-coastal drama unfolding.  Unfortunately, it’s not going to play out on the small screen…yet.  According to Gawker and W (from which this lovely picture came), real people Heidi Montag and Spencer Pratt are apparently opening a bar, oh excuse me, “upscale sports lounge” in Manhattan’s Murray Hill.  And in a Martha Stewart-esque move to completely synergize their lifestyle into a brand, they are naming the bar “The Hill”.  I swear to god I am not making this shit up.

Unfortunately, The Hill is still under construction, as the picture clearly shows.  Too bad the Real World crew from Brooklyn can’t party there yet.  But, like, whatevs, the place will no doubt be crawling with bros, or rather, “brahs”, and hot Heidi look-a-likes, like NYC celebutard Tinsley Mortimer.  I wouldn’t be surprised if the Whitney Port Hills spinoff follows Whitneys totally real, unscripted life as she mysteriously ends up at The Hill night after night after nifght…

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WTF #11: Heidi Montag

Posted by thelanetrain on July 1, 2008

(Montag, left, with boytoy fiance Spencer Pratt)

In a world of vapid blonde bimbos, there appears to be one that stands heads and shoulders above the rest.  The insufferable Heidi Montag, the Hills co-star and ex-BFF of protagonist Lauren (who recently was given some credit for her hidden talent: intellectualism).  Montag was recently interviewed by USA Today to discuss…oh let’s be honest.  There is nothing she can actually talk about other than The Hills and its related items.  So in this snippet from AOL News, she talks about the feud between her and Lauren.  For those not in the know, Heidi and Spencer stand accused of spreading rumors of a sex tape of Lauren and her then boyfriend, which so obvs didn’t happen beeteedubs (or did it?), but whatever, it’s enough material for the show’s story editors to work with (yes, I said story editorsDon’t believe me?).

Back to the point:  Heidi actually compared herself to Jesus, as in, “our lord and saviour” Jesus, this guy.  The self-proclaimed “non-denominational Baptist” and also “the most religious person” said this exact quote on comparing herself to God’s son:

“I don’t even want to talk about that. There were rumors about a sex tape, but I had nothing to do with that. God knows the truth in all of this, and at the end of the day, that is the only thing that matters. Jesus was persecuted, and I’m going to get persecuted, ya know? But it doesn’t matter to me.”

Yeah, you’re right.  I mean in a way, you really are the second coming of Christ.  I just thought that our messiah would have a little more substance in life.  I didn’t exactly picture him her going to exclusive clubs every night, getting drunk, and yelling at people from across the room about a feud so childish and stupid, it’s to the point where nobody really cares anymore.  But by all means, if you’re implying that one day you’re going to be nailed to a cross and backstabbed by your BFFs, then there might be some truth to that.

But seriously Heidi, WTF?  I’m really not buying the whole “I’m Jesus” thing.  This guy played up that angle really big and look what happened.  Or a better example is this guy and his consequence.  Now you don’t want that happening to you, do you?

Heidi also told USA Today that she and Spencer are planning to go to Africa to “feed the children and help build things.”  Right…  Just make sure Spencer gets paid well.  This will be a bigger joke than that idiot reporter from the Post.

(Photograph via Babbler)

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