The Lane Train

News and Pop Culture for the Blog Generation

Posts Tagged ‘The Hills’

Heidi Montag Faces Actual, Like Totally Serious, Consequences

Posted by thelanetrain on November 4, 2008

So it turns out that everyone’s favorite actress and fashion plate Heidi Montag like, totally got her ass handed to her last night on The Hills.  You see, Heidi works worked at a promotions company that was basically her dream job: open up and promote exclusive nightspots in Los Angeles.  Novel.  So last night when she was supposed to be the dutiful event coordinator of the exclusive trashy “new” lounge Fourteen (actually reads “XIV”), she not only brought along her assclown of a fiancé, but proceded to get “totally wasted”.  She downed half a bottle of tequila in full view of her coworkers and went around screaming “Woooo!  I’m like totally wasted!”  But as it turns out, her boss found out about her rampant drinking and quickly canned her.  Poor unemployed Heidi.  Now she’ll have to…be a reality star full-time.  What a shame.

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Has The Hills Gone…Downhill?

Posted by thelanetrain on October 24, 2008

It’s still the number one show on MTV, but chances are, you’ve probably been skipping The Hills to watch actual scripted teenage drama.  Yes, there are definite signs that the juggernaut of all reality shows is slowly backsliding like the folks on Celebrity Rehab.  In this post, I’ll try to explain some of the unsettling omens that the fantasy playworld of Lauren, Whitney, Heidi and Audrina may soon cease to exist.

After The Jump: Evaluating The Hills post stardom

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Don’t Even Bother Calling Your Girlfriend Tonight

Posted by thelanetrain on September 1, 2008

Ah Labor Day, the last unofficial day of summer and time of the year when its acceptable to wear white.   But this Labor Day is somewhat of a big deal for the folks over at the CW.  That’s because tonight marks the season premiere of Gossip Girl, the CW’s highly hyped teen soap based upon the popular book series (people still read books, you know).  While the anticipated second season is riding high on the show’s permeance of current pop culture, the main challenge will be whether or not its ratings can match its reputation.  But odds are that the millions of viewers who tune in each week to see either Blair and Serena’s latest tiffs and squabbles, the incredible clothes that these so-called teenagers can afford to wear/buy, or just to people watch don’t care about what Nielsen thinks.  Even if the storyline seems convoluted and trite, GG is likely here to stay.  No amount of OMFG is ever too much to satisfy the palates of eager 16-24 year-olds.

Couple that season premiere with the toss up of staying on CW to watch One Tree Hill (which in my opinion is due for its end very soon) or The Hills on MTV (LAUREN: Oh my god Lo, like, why?  LO: I mean, like, Lauren, I don’t know) and its pretty much girls night on TV.  Let the estrogen floweth over.

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Heidi and Spencer to Open Bar in Manhattan, Spencer Won’t Attend Unless He Pays Himself Club Fees

Posted by thelanetrain on August 29, 2008

The new season of The Hills is only two episodes in, but there’s already bi-coastal drama unfolding.  Unfortunately, it’s not going to play out on the small screen…yet.  According to Gawker and W (from which this lovely picture came), real people Heidi Montag and Spencer Pratt are apparently opening a bar, oh excuse me, “upscale sports lounge” in Manhattan’s Murray Hill.  And in a Martha Stewart-esque move to completely synergize their lifestyle into a brand, they are naming the bar “The Hill”.  I swear to god I am not making this shit up.

Unfortunately, The Hill is still under construction, as the picture clearly shows.  Too bad the Real World crew from Brooklyn can’t party there yet.  But, like, whatevs, the place will no doubt be crawling with bros, or rather, “brahs”, and hot Heidi look-a-likes, like NYC celebutard Tinsley Mortimer.  I wouldn’t be surprised if the Whitney Port Hills spinoff follows Whitneys totally real, unscripted life as she mysteriously ends up at The Hill night after night after nifght…

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Quote of the Day

Posted by thelanetrain on August 14, 2008

“Season 4 is going to be like The Dark Knight of reality TV – everything is bigger and better.” – Spencer Pratt, on the upcoming season of his show.

Never before in my life had I wanted this celebutard to just shut the fuck up right now.  Oh wait…

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And While We’re On The Subject, Here’s The Trailer For The Hills: Season 4

Posted by thelanetrain on July 22, 2008

I couldn’t help but post this after seeing it first on MTV, then again all over the internets.  It looks like a real-life movie!  With scripts!  Sometimes it’s hard to realize that these people are real people, and not actors.  Oh wait…

But from what I could tell, this season has (predictably) so much drama!  Brody Jenner (he’s not a real person anymore) goes to jail!  A love interest for Whitney! Heidi and Spencer bitch and fight at restaurants! Audrina and Justin Bobby have drama! Lo (who?) shakes things up!

Best part: Watch for LC’s incredibly well timed mascara-infused tears at 1:47.

This is the definition of ridiculousness.

[If the video isn’t working, click here to watch]

(via MTV)

UPDATE 7/23: Another great moment I just noticed: at 1:27, where LC belts out the oh so tired cliché, “This is the part where we need to make an effort,” and puts her hands up in her hair.  Seriously, they could not have hired better people to write the show.

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Heidi and Spencer Plan Trip to Iraq, America Dumbfounded

Posted by thelanetrain on July 22, 2008

It’s been a summer of bizarre and stupid headlines for Hollywood’s dumbest duo.  Between feudin’ Spencer and “OMG I’m like Jesus” Heidi, could the Pratt-Montag juggernaut get any more retarded?  Yes it can.

People reported yesterday that the two were planning a trip to Iraq.  You know, like for the shopping, spas, and exclusive clubs that will pay Spencer’s $100,000 partying fee.  Actually, they’e going on a USO sponsored tour to perform for the troops.  Yes, you heard me right, to perform.

While the trip is surprisingly a well-reasoned idea (Heidi’s stepbrother was a veteran of Afghani and Iraqi combat before passing away unexpectedly), I’m not so sure that sending these two to entertain the troops is really a good idea.  Heidi can barely sing herself, and what is Spencer going to do, walk around in a popped collar shirt and dance to bass-heavy hip-hop club jams?

Realistically, they could set up the stage to look like Club Area and have a bunch of extras walk around as Heidi and Spencer argue like children, throwing drinks at each other.  Yeah, I think that would be the best use of their combined talents.

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The Lamest Fight in Hollywood That You’re Not Caring About

Posted by thelanetrain on July 2, 2008

Omigod you guys, did you hear?  Spencer Pratt and Mary-Kate Olsen are like, so having the hugest fight ever.  It’s like nonstop drama that’s been hitting both coasts and both sides are getting like, so worked up about it.  Somebody please do something before I spill my Coffee Bean and Tea Leaf coffee all over myself blogging about it!  Actually, not possible since those aren’t in New York, but anyway, this is the stupidest celebrity feud I have ever heard about, and it proves that Spencer Pratt is a huge pussy.

After The Jump: The story of the Pratt-Olsen War

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WTF #11: Heidi Montag

Posted by thelanetrain on July 1, 2008

(Montag, left, with boytoy fiance Spencer Pratt)

In a world of vapid blonde bimbos, there appears to be one that stands heads and shoulders above the rest.  The insufferable Heidi Montag, the Hills co-star and ex-BFF of protagonist Lauren (who recently was given some credit for her hidden talent: intellectualism).  Montag was recently interviewed by USA Today to discuss…oh let’s be honest.  There is nothing she can actually talk about other than The Hills and its related items.  So in this snippet from AOL News, she talks about the feud between her and Lauren.  For those not in the know, Heidi and Spencer stand accused of spreading rumors of a sex tape of Lauren and her then boyfriend, which so obvs didn’t happen beeteedubs (or did it?), but whatever, it’s enough material for the show’s story editors to work with (yes, I said story editorsDon’t believe me?).

Back to the point:  Heidi actually compared herself to Jesus, as in, “our lord and saviour” Jesus, this guy.  The self-proclaimed “non-denominational Baptist” and also “the most religious person” said this exact quote on comparing herself to God’s son:

“I don’t even want to talk about that. There were rumors about a sex tape, but I had nothing to do with that. God knows the truth in all of this, and at the end of the day, that is the only thing that matters. Jesus was persecuted, and I’m going to get persecuted, ya know? But it doesn’t matter to me.”

Yeah, you’re right.  I mean in a way, you really are the second coming of Christ.  I just thought that our messiah would have a little more substance in life.  I didn’t exactly picture him her going to exclusive clubs every night, getting drunk, and yelling at people from across the room about a feud so childish and stupid, it’s to the point where nobody really cares anymore.  But by all means, if you’re implying that one day you’re going to be nailed to a cross and backstabbed by your BFFs, then there might be some truth to that.

But seriously Heidi, WTF?  I’m really not buying the whole “I’m Jesus” thing.  This guy played up that angle really big and look what happened.  Or a better example is this guy and his consequence.  Now you don’t want that happening to you, do you?

Heidi also told USA Today that she and Spencer are planning to go to Africa to “feed the children and help build things.”  Right…  Just make sure Spencer gets paid well.  This will be a bigger joke than that idiot reporter from the Post.

(Photograph via Babbler)

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“The Hills” To Get Spin-Off, More Boring

Posted by thelanetrain on June 23, 2008

Oh man, don’t you just love watching The Hills? Wish there was a way you could watch even more of the show that shows virtually nothing except young L.A. twenty-somethings eating at fancy restaurants, getting drunk, and fighting with their friends and boyfriends? Well now you can!

This story is a few weeks old, but Reality TV World reported that MTV is getting ready to produce a reality show for Hills’ perennial questions-asker Whitney Port (who, oddly enough, seems like the sanest of the bunch). According to the article, the show would focus on Whitney’s new job at PR firm People’s Revolution in New York while befriending a bunch of rich, popular New York socialites. Sounds an awful lot like this show, except Whitney can actually hold a job (hard to believe, but its true). Plus, since she always asks a ton of questions, I’m sure she’ll get herself into plenty of NYC style drama and hijinks.

For now though, Whitney and the gang have been busy filming Season 4 of The Hills, which premieres in August on MTV. Like, OMG!

(Photo via The New York Times)

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