The Lane Train

News and Pop Culture for the Blog Generation

Posts Tagged ‘Stupid’

Heidi Montag Faces Actual, Like Totally Serious, Consequences

Posted by thelanetrain on November 4, 2008

So it turns out that everyone’s favorite actress and fashion plate Heidi Montag like, totally got her ass handed to her last night on The Hills.  You see, Heidi works worked at a promotions company that was basically her dream job: open up and promote exclusive nightspots in Los Angeles.  Novel.  So last night when she was supposed to be the dutiful event coordinator of the exclusive trashy “new” lounge Fourteen (actually reads “XIV”), she not only brought along her assclown of a fiancé, but proceded to get “totally wasted”.  She downed half a bottle of tequila in full view of her coworkers and went around screaming “Woooo!  I’m like totally wasted!”  But as it turns out, her boss found out about her rampant drinking and quickly canned her.  Poor unemployed Heidi.  Now she’ll have to…be a reality star full-time.  What a shame.


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Posted by thelanetrain on October 20, 2008


Gawker reported today in its gossip roundup that the two were “whisper-fighting” on an Amtrak train to Washington, and while the brawl never escalated into a full-fledged fight, Lindsay was apparently talking smack about VP nominee Sarah Palin and advocating for herself rather than the couple.  The most troubling thing about this item?  The fact that Lindsay has to ride around the nation on a train than, say, in a private chauffered limo.  Ruh-oh…

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I Wish I Was Making This Up

Posted by thelanetrain on October 2, 2008

As if VH1 couldn’t milk the Surreal Life-Strange Love-Flavor of Love-I Love New York-Charm School train any more, it turns out that Chance and Real, the two brothers who were contestants on I Love New York (a reality show featuring a contestant from Flavor of Love), are now in a reality show of their own.  Yes, they will be the strapping young bachelors on their very own show called…wait for it…Real Chance of Love.


I seriously wish this was a joke, but it’s not.  VH1 is very excited to roll out this show.  And why wouldn’t they?  Because who doesn’t want to see a bunch of half-naked hoochies running around a Hollywood Hills home drunk off their ass while fighting, swearing, pulling off their clothes during a wrestling match, getting all down and dirty….

Ok, so there are some positive qualities, but I’m sick of the network rehashing the same exact formula for shitty reality shows.  In their press release, VH1 said:

America’s two favorite brothers Real and Chance tried to steal New York’s heart in the VH1’s hit series I Love New York but were both left broken-hearted. Now the Stallionaires are back and ready to find love in their own new 11-episode series. Real and Chance will get their much deserved, and much anticipated chance to find real love as 15 young ladies move into their Stallionaire ranch house and try to capture their hearts.

I’m sorry, but didn’t they just appear on a show to try and win a shitload of money because they weren’t looking for love?  Don’t they just want sweet cold cash instead?

Well, whatever VH1, I’m sure this show will make Flavor of Love will look like Roots, or at least, Oprah.

By the way, this makes me laugh.  We, as viewers, must be fucking retarded.

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This Person Will Probably Get Fired

Posted by thelanetrain on September 25, 2008

Just read this:


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Celebrities are Poor Just Like You!

Posted by thelanetrain on August 30, 2008

Oh man, have you heard about how fucking high gas prices are these days?  Sure, they affect all you poor people out there who can’t drive a car anymore or have traded down their Hummer H2 to a Prius, but like, the mega rich celebrities don’t have to worry because they can totally afford everything right?  Wrong!

In a story reported on Yahoo today, famous person Sean “Diddy” Combs (what does he do nowadays?  Is he a rapper? producer? fashion designer? appearance maker?) complained that since gas prices are too high, he’ll have to, *sigh*, stop using private jet transport and fly on commercial airlines just like the rest of us.  Said Combs:

“I’m actually flying commercial…That’s how high gas prices are. I’m at the gate right now. This is really happening, proof gas prices are too high. Tell whoever the next president is we need to bring gas prices down.”

This is both hilarious and sad, sorta reminds me of the episode of South Park when the boys steal music online, and then the fed show them that thanks to their theft, the artists won’t be able to continue their extravagant lifestyles.  Someone should also tell Diddy that he can, like, choose the next president because he can vote, remember?

And boy, is he going to have a fit when he finds out you can’t get Dom Perignon on American Airlines!

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Heidi and Spencer to Open Bar in Manhattan, Spencer Won’t Attend Unless He Pays Himself Club Fees

Posted by thelanetrain on August 29, 2008

The new season of The Hills is only two episodes in, but there’s already bi-coastal drama unfolding.  Unfortunately, it’s not going to play out on the small screen…yet.  According to Gawker and W (from which this lovely picture came), real people Heidi Montag and Spencer Pratt are apparently opening a bar, oh excuse me, “upscale sports lounge” in Manhattan’s Murray Hill.  And in a Martha Stewart-esque move to completely synergize their lifestyle into a brand, they are naming the bar “The Hill”.  I swear to god I am not making this shit up.

Unfortunately, The Hill is still under construction, as the picture clearly shows.  Too bad the Real World crew from Brooklyn can’t party there yet.  But, like, whatevs, the place will no doubt be crawling with bros, or rather, “brahs”, and hot Heidi look-a-likes, like NYC celebutard Tinsley Mortimer.  I wouldn’t be surprised if the Whitney Port Hills spinoff follows Whitneys totally real, unscripted life as she mysteriously ends up at The Hill night after night after nifght…

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Kate Moss Immortalized as Gold Statue, Colossal Waste of Money

Posted by thelanetrain on August 28, 2008

The post-modern contemporary batshit crazy art world has certainly seen its fair share of bizarre and strange works,and in the grand tradition of freaking people out and gathering a collective “WTF??”, British sculptor Marc Quinn has added to this ever growing collection of artistic oddities.  According to E! via Yahoo, Quinn unveiled a $2.8 million gold statue of famous supermodel/coke pirate Kate Moss.  Quinn, whose Moss obsession was seen in an earlier work where he created a plaster version of Moss in an odd yoga pose (dubbed “Sphinx”), is said to have created the largest gold statue since Ancient Egypt, with the sculpture weighing in at 110 pounds (about one Kate Moss).  When asked why he decided to sculpt Moss, Quinn replied:

“I thought the next thing to do would be to make a sculpture of the person who’s the ideal beauty of the moment…but even Kate Moss doesn’t live up to the image.”

In other words, it makes total sense that the poster child of anorexia and cocaine abuse gets a fucking gold statue made of her, while other former models who do good with their lives…don’t.  Plus, this has to be the British’s way of saying that they (meaning their people) have enough disposable income to be able to spend it on something as frivolous as a gold statue.

Then again…

Posted in Celebrities, Odd News, Pop Culture | Tagged: , , , , | 7 Comments »


Posted by thelanetrain on July 18, 2008

The news gods must have been smiling down upon New York today, because you just can’t make shit like this up.  Splashed across the front page of AMNY today was the simple headline, “SI vs. NJ: IT’S ON!“.  Oh noes!  What could it possibly be?  Apparently a bar-fight broke out somewhere on the Jersey Shore between a Jersey Girl and a Staten Islander, which caused the town’s mayor to call Staten Islanders a bunch of guidos.  Whoa there!  Them’s fightin’ words!  So true though because there are no guidos in New Jersey, right?

After The Jump: Mayor Pringle‘s (oh man, this story cannot get any better) harsh words

Read the rest of this entry »

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Africa Now Gravely Misunderstood Even By Insiders

Posted by thelanetrain on July 10, 2008

Let’s say you’re a third world African nation with the most poorly planned urban infrastructure and rampant crime and poverty.  What on earth would you do to help improve your standing?  You could almost feed orphans, or build things, but Nduka Obaigbena, a Nigerian media mogul, has some other ideas.  As Gawker reported this morning, Obaigbena plans to hold annual parties, organize a huge music festival, and dress up like a dapper dan.  Critics argue that Obaigbena’s plans do nothing to help improve the lives of rural Nigerians, who are the most affected by the nation’s widespread poverty and misfortune, but Obaigbena points out that Nigeria is in its longest period of democracy ever and by having these huge social functions, it will hope to improve the city of Lagos’ standing and give recognition to the country as a whole.

Hmmm…organize a huge overpriced music festival with all sorts of problems afoot?  Didn’t this happen already?  Well, at least it’s better than their current method of raising international awareness…

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WTF #12: Space Chimps

Posted by thelanetrain on July 9, 2008

I would have really liked to make this post about stupid animal-based animated movies, but given the recent success of Kung Fu Panda, it wouldn’t be fair to lump that into this post (although, by the name alone, Kung Fu Panda should have tanked, but thanks to its amazing cast and high production value and quality, it did well).

No, this post will focus solely on the animation bomb that will be Space Chimps, which I’m sure every parent will be dragged in to see by their eight year old child and their friends.  The only nice things I’ll say about the movie is that the voice talent is good and some of the art looks ok.  Other than that, this has to be the biggest waste of money since Britney Spears’ Wedding.

The movie has every formulaic element of a middle-of-the-road kids movie: a happy-go-lucky yet reluctant hero, a love interest, the uptight pain-in-the-ass, and a villain with a ridiculous name (Zartog).  It’s probably going to have a ton of fart jokes, juvenile humor, puns involving primates and fruit (“Hey! Quit MONKEYING around!” or “I’m going BANANAS for you!”  Haha, get it?  They’re monkeys!  They eat bananas!  It’s funny!)  Plus its being produced by Fox Animation, who should really only stick to the small screen and lay off the silver screen.  Leave the big boy stuff to Pixar or Dreamworks.

The movie has few (if any) endorsement deals and with just nine days until its release, it seems like there’s been relatively little press.  Hey Fox, if you’re so embarrassed about a crappy kids movie that nobody will watch, why the hell did you make one in the first place?  Quit screwing around and start working on new episodes of Family Guy instead.

So please, no more animated animal movies, especially with concepts like monkeys in space.  It’s tiresome, it’s retarded, it’s just stupid.

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