The Lane Train

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Archive for the ‘Television’ Category

Guess Who Got Married?

Posted by thelanetrain on November 25, 2008

That’s right, kids.  Everyone’s favorite power couple/douchebag collective/braindead idiots Heidi and Spencer got fucking married.  Yup.  All that fighting, drama, catfightting, and bitchery that seems to pervade their forever engagedness on The Hills was for nought.  Accoring to Newsday, the two eloped to Cabo San Lucas, Mexico (Wow, really?  I guess that’s slightly better than getting married at Senor Frogs in Cancun) and tied the knot in a private ultra secret ceremony.  Not even Heidi’s folks were there!  And what’s worse, Spencer even told Heidi, “You complete me”.  See, not even Spencer can write his own wedding vows.

Also, get excited, Hills fans.  NANA PRATT IS THROWING DOWN NEXT WEEK!  OHHHH SHITTTTTTTTT!  Clearly I wish I had more of a source than watching next week’s trailer.

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Posted in Celebrities, Pop Culture, Television | Leave a Comment »

Heidi Montag Faces Actual, Like Totally Serious, Consequences

Posted by thelanetrain on November 4, 2008

So it turns out that everyone’s favorite actress and fashion plate Heidi Montag like, totally got her ass handed to her last night on The Hills.  You see, Heidi works worked at a promotions company that was basically her dream job: open up and promote exclusive nightspots in Los Angeles.  Novel.  So last night when she was supposed to be the dutiful event coordinator of the exclusive trashy “new” lounge Fourteen (actually reads “XIV”), she not only brought along her assclown of a fiancé, but proceded to get “totally wasted”.  She downed half a bottle of tequila in full view of her coworkers and went around screaming “Woooo!  I’m like totally wasted!”  But as it turns out, her boss found out about her rampant drinking and quickly canned her.  Poor unemployed Heidi.  Now she’ll have to…be a reality star full-time.  What a shame.

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Tonight on TV: The Barack Obama Smile Time Variety Half-Hour Spectacular!

Posted by thelanetrain on October 29, 2008

It’s the can’t miss event tonight on Primetime.  Actually it’ll be on three of the major four networks so you can’t miss it (unless you really like Pushing Daisies).  Barack Obama’s half-hour ad is attempting to appeal to the entire nation, not just a bunch of swing dates and districts.  By airing nationally, he will try to show that we are all united, as one nation in throwing our vote and support towards him.  And he’ll probably say a lot about spreading the wealth, change, hope, etc… you know the damn drill already.

Although I wish it was more like this.

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Has The Hills Gone…Downhill?

Posted by thelanetrain on October 24, 2008

It’s still the number one show on MTV, but chances are, you’ve probably been skipping The Hills to watch actual scripted teenage drama.  Yes, there are definite signs that the juggernaut of all reality shows is slowly backsliding like the folks on Celebrity Rehab.  In this post, I’ll try to explain some of the unsettling omens that the fantasy playworld of Lauren, Whitney, Heidi and Audrina may soon cease to exist.

After The Jump: Evaluating The Hills post stardom

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Posted in Celebrities, New York, Pop Culture, Television | Tagged: , | 1 Comment »

Friday Roundup

Posted by thelanetrain on October 17, 2008

Oh man, was this week killer or what?  So aside from learning all about some dude named Joe and how he lays pipe (heh heh) at the third presidential debate, there’s been nothing else to focus on, right?  Well, there’s this, but other than that, has anyone else been keeping tabs of anything not economy or election related?  Oh wait, I have.  Even though I haven’t updated in a while (I told you I was going on hiatus!), there’s actually a fair amount of big name news to report…after you click below at least!  I’ll dish on Oliver Stone’s new movie, a possible showdown on SNL, and Madonna’s divorce (for reals, not like that BS from the summer).

After The Jump: The Friday Rundown

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I Wish I Was Making This Up

Posted by thelanetrain on October 2, 2008

As if VH1 couldn’t milk the Surreal Life-Strange Love-Flavor of Love-I Love New York-Charm School train any more, it turns out that Chance and Real, the two brothers who were contestants on I Love New York (a reality show featuring a contestant from Flavor of Love), are now in a reality show of their own.  Yes, they will be the strapping young bachelors on their very own show called…wait for it…Real Chance of Love.

*BARF*

I seriously wish this was a joke, but it’s not.  VH1 is very excited to roll out this show.  And why wouldn’t they?  Because who doesn’t want to see a bunch of half-naked hoochies running around a Hollywood Hills home drunk off their ass while fighting, swearing, pulling off their clothes during a wrestling match, getting all down and dirty….

Ok, so there are some positive qualities, but I’m sick of the network rehashing the same exact formula for shitty reality shows.  In their press release, VH1 said:

America’s two favorite brothers Real and Chance tried to steal New York’s heart in the VH1’s hit series I Love New York but were both left broken-hearted. Now the Stallionaires are back and ready to find love in their own new 11-episode series. Real and Chance will get their much deserved, and much anticipated chance to find real love as 15 young ladies move into their Stallionaire ranch house and try to capture their hearts.

I’m sorry, but didn’t they just appear on a show to try and win a shitload of money because they weren’t looking for love?  Don’t they just want sweet cold cash instead?

Well, whatever VH1, I’m sure this show will make Flavor of Love will look like Roots, or at least, Oprah.

By the way, this makes me laugh.  We, as viewers, must be fucking retarded.

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This Just In: People Are Watching Gossip Girl

Posted by thelanetrain on September 23, 2008

Spotted: A surefire sign that Gossip Girl will be ruling the airwaves for a few more seasons.  Entertainment Weekly reported that the teen soap which runs on the CW reported a series high rating of 3.7 million viewers last week.  Not only that, but the show helped the CW become TV’s #1 network for women and adults aged 18-34 that night.

So what exactly has been happening on the juicy show that the kids can’t seem to stop talking about?  The kids are back for their senior year of high school, but not without some fun in the sun, Hamptons style.  We see Nate and some MILF playing around while toying with Vanessa’s emotions, Blair fawning over some rich Lord guy, and Dan and Serena on and off and on and off again.  Chuck is wallowing away in sorrow over his inability to keep Blair, Jenny’s been overworked at her internship with Blair’s mom and Lily is unhappy with her marriage to Bart Bass.  Oh, and Rufus has a new love?

Can’t wait to see what happens next week

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TRL, Shoutouts to MAH GIRRRRL, SHANIQUA IN WEST PLAINFIELD!!! WOOOO!!!, to Cease in November

Posted by thelanetrain on September 16, 2008

 

No, it’s really true.  For reals yo.  As if today couldn’t get any worse, MTV announced that it would put TRL on hiatus on it’s tenth anniversary in November (producer Dave Sirulnick gives some sort of logical explanation to this, but like a facebook relationship, its complicated).  This makes me really sad, because I personally wanted to be among the throng of screaming high school kids making who shouted “wooooooo!” every time a camera passed by them.  But the show, which in all honesty was getting lackluster ratings and losing its popularity to other shows, needed to be put down like Old Yeller.  I think MTV got the message that nobody was watching TV after school anymore ever since sidekicks, texting, and crackblackberries started ruling the tween and teenage world.  Plus, if a pop act was going to make it big, a MySpace campaign or facebook group could do so much more than some two-bit TV appearance with this dude.

I just want to know: will we go all retro and see Carson Daly hosting with special guests Backstreet Boys and Eminem?  I hope so, yes.

Posted in Music, Pop Culture, Television, The Media | Tagged: , , , , | 1 Comment »

Viral Video: The Palin/Clinton Sketch

Posted by thelanetrain on September 15, 2008

So Saturday Night Live premiered this weekend with guest host Michael Phelps (he won 8 gold medals at the Beijing Games, remember?).  But that’s not the special guest most people were talking about come Sunday and Monday.  Phelps’ acting chops (best summarized by his inability to memorize lines and proof that he should stick to swimming) were completey upstaged by Tina Fey‘s appearance as VP nominee Sarah Palin in the show’s opening sketch.  In this five minute comedic blockbuster (with Amy Poehler as Hillary), SNL proves that they still have the potential to be really fucking funny.  Too bad the rest of the show was utterly forgettable.

Now if anyone can tell me what a flurge is, that’d be awesome.

Posted in Celebrities, Politics, Pop Culture, Television | Tagged: , , , | 1 Comment »

And Now for Something Not Election Related

Posted by thelanetrain on September 9, 2008

Hi faithful readers!

I know I haven’t posted in about a week or so, maybe because I’m still trying to deal with all the Palin fever.  But to break the dry spell that I’m sure has been bothering you all (and myself included), I’ve decided to post something not related to politics.  At all.

So in the vein of last week’s post on TV shows your girlfriend will be glued to come Monday, add this one to the register.  Oh wait, it’s not even on TV.  Oh wait, the main star isn’t even an actress (sort of).

The latest hyped up “OMG DRAMA” serial is Sorority Forever, a web-series on TheWB.com (because where else are you going to put those reruns of The Steve Harvey Show, Family Matters, and Sister Sister?).  All in all it looks like a clone of Greek, except with hotter, bitchier, sluttier sorostitutes.  And who is the star that looks so familiar but you just can’t place her?  Why, it’s former interneterweb sensation Lonelygirl15, who is making a stab at legitimate acting, even if it is in her native medium.

Oh, and isn’t it cute that the show’s logo uses a Greek letter?  OMG Awesome!

Posted in Pop Culture, Television, The Internet | Tagged: , , , , | 1 Comment »