Oh Shit, Not Again…

Remember that writers strike that effectively ruined television earlier this year?  Remember how everyone breathed a huge sigh of relief when it ended?  Well now that the writers are sated, it looks like the actors are starting to get all demanding and all.  Yahoo News reported today that TV actors could go on strike just in time for the fall season.  Why?

Contracts between Screen Actors Guild (SAG) members and film and TV studios is set to expire in two weeks.  SAG represents about 120,000 actors who play all your favorite (and sometimes, forgettable) characters on the TV and on the big screen.  Basically, Michael Scott wants more money from DVD and Internet sales, just like what the writers wanted during their negotiations.  They’re so greedy!  As if they don’t make enough money anyway.

But in any event, a possible actors strike could cause a $3 billion slump to the local economy!  But those damage figures are based off of writers.  These are actors we’re talking about now.  They make their living smiling for the camera and coming off as personable.  I mean, how demanding could they be?

Weekend Forecast: Slightly Funny, With a High Chance of Stupid

In what has already been a mildy successful summer season, this weekend marks the release of two of the summer’s most highly anticipated comedies. The Mike Myers vehicle The Love Guru, which has already seen a wave of criticism from Indian and Hindu activists goes up against the Steve Carrell vehicle Get Smart, a remake of the classic 60’s television series. And while its safe to say that both films will probably do well at the box office this weekend, the reviews have been anything but kind.

After The Jump: Our full head-to-head analysis and Box Office Prediction.

She Done Did Push Out Her Baby!

Earlier today we reported on the to-be birth of Jamie-Lynn Spears’ daughter. Normally, we would do an update, but we thought this deserved its own post.  She’s not yet a woman, but for now, she’s a bona-fide mom.

According to Gawker, GED-wielding Jamie-Lynn gave birth to her daughter Maddie Briann (dammit, we were rooting for Cailynn!) in Mississippi this morning. Among those present? Her mother Lynne, big sis Brit, and fiancé Casey (who is a professional pipe layer…say it with me kids, a PROFESSIONAL PIPE LAYER). Popsugar has some wonderful pics of the pregnant teen and the baby-daddy getting ready to go to the hospital, while Us Weekly gives us more information than we wanted to know.

Congratulations to the newest member of the Spears lineage, and remember, you too can become a knocked up teen or a colossal train wreck someday!

We Want To Hear From YOU!

Guess What? In the two weeks or so that this blog has been actively running online , we’ve had over 650 hits! Awesome! But it looks like not a lot of people have anything to say, as most of our comments sections are oh so empty. That’s where you come in. We want to hear from you, our 10 or so loyal viewers! What do you have to say about our stories and news items? We’re not expecting you to come up with brilliant zingers and one-liners like the experts over at Gawker, but at least say something! Anything! Just make us look cool and popular!

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I Got MALMed In My GRUNDTAL: Ikea Opens In Brooklyn

As we reported earlier, Swedish furniture magnate Ikea was set to open in Brooklyn yesterday amidst protesters and scores of fans. Well, it finally happened yesterday. According to The Brooklyn Daily Eagle, the store opening was no less a huge celebration of fanfare, gleeful employees, and free furniture…wait, FREE FURNITURE?

“Each of the first 35 adults in line, in honor of this being the 35th U.S. IKEA store, was given a voucher for a free couch, and the next 100 behind them received armchairs…other freebies included vouchers for food, big blue and yellow umbrellas and heart pillows for kids.”

So THATS why people were willing to discard their social lives and necessities for a couple days: to score one of these bad boys that will no doubt cause their hair to fall out while trying to set it up, and then break unexpectedly. It’s too bad the voucher doesn’t cover the outrageous shipping charges too.

BUT, the good news is that Ikea is making it super easy to get to its store via public transportation, offering free shuttles from Borough Hall, Smith-9th Sts, and 4th Avenue stations, as well as a water taxi from lower Manhattan. Leave it to Ikea to lure Gen Xers fo’ free to spend their hard earned dough on utterly useless crap.

Oh My God Y’all, Jamie-Lynn’s Givin’ Birth!

Ever since she got knocked up by her scumbag boyfriend-turned-fiance, Jamie-Lynn Spears (oddly, the saner of the two Spears offspring) is finally giving birth today in her hometown of White Trash Springs, Louisiana! But she’s not just doing it the normal way like most folk do. Doctors have advised her to undergo a Caesarean section. According to M&C, the seventeen-year-old star of Zoey 101 was advised to go through the procedure after an ultrasound showed the baby in a compromising position within the womb. Even Britney flew in from L.A. to support her pregnant lil’ sis!

When its all said and done, Jamie-Lynn and Casey said they would give their accident baby girl “a combination of both of their Christian names”, with Cassie or Cailynn as the front runners in terms of names. Don’t forget to include a reference to that thing about Christians not being too crazy about premarital sex. But at least the young couple is getting married. We hope they do so in grand redneck style. And when that happens, well, break out the champagne, fancy hors d’oeuvres, and the rootin’ tootin’ wedding band! Yee-haw!

(Photograph via The Hollywood Gossip)

Woman Sues Victoria’s Secret For (No Joke) Getting Thong In Her Eye

This story started out innocent enough. Last night as my insomnia was wearing off watching Late Night with Conan O’Brien, he made a joke in the monologue about some woman suing Victoria’s secret because she got part of the thong in her eye (to which Conan replied, “In a related news item, a woman is suing Lens Crafters for getting her bifocals stuck in her cooch.”). Haha, what a funny story, we’ll probably never hear this again, right? Wrong!

On The Today Show this morning, the woman, 52-year-old Macrida Patterson and her lawyer (LAWYER?!) sat for an interview with Meredith Viera (who seems to be getting a ton of crazy interviews this week) to discuss the whole fiasco and what legal course of action they will take or has been taken. According to the interview (and confirmed via The Smoking Gun), a decorative metal piece on the “v-string” thong flung loose and hit the woman in the eye, scratching her cornea and causing damage that will be “affecting her for the rest of her life.” Harsh! Moreover, they are suing the company in L.A. Superior Court. However, when asked by Viera how much money they hope to claim, Patterson’s lawyer replied:

“It’s not about the money, it’s about recognizing a design flaw and making sure they know how dangerous it is to the consumer.”

Really? I have a better idea. Why not tell your 52-year-old client to grow the fuck up and not buy skimpy underwear? Nobody wants to see her in a thong anyway, especially since she’s a traffic cop. Then again, she could take her money and invest it here if she really, really, really, wants to wear one.

On second thought, she better stick to these.