The Lane Train

News and Pop Culture for the Blog Generation

Let The Doping Begin!

Posted by thelanetrain on August 8, 2008

In case you’re living under a rock or are a total sociopath, you probably already knew that today, 8.8.08 marks the very first day of the Beijing Summer Olympic Games.  And already there’s tons of controversy and mayhem (and the opening ceremonies haven’t even been televised here yet)!  It’s not quite as bad as the Tour de Farce (yet), but check out what’s already been brewing without a single event even happening yet:

  • A couple of female Chinese gymnasts are reportedly underage.  Official documents say that He Kexin and Jiang Yuyuan are 16 (the IOC minimum competition age), but others have reported that the gymnastics phenoms are only 14.  What’s wrong, rest of the world?  Afraid of being beaten by a bunch of little girls?
  • A once promising U.S. mens gymnastics team is now in serious jeopardy as two of its star competitors have been sidelined just days before opening ceremonies.  Helium-voiced Paul Hamm (and most recently, his twin brother Morgan), both citing critical injuries that would leave them unable to compete, have pulled out of the Olympics.  While the Hamm’s appear to be disheartened, yet confident in the decision they have made, a source close to the Olympics says that it is not pregnant.
  • Members of the U.S. cycling team caused quite a stir upon arriving in Beijing earlier this week when they donned face masks, citing the poor air quality as the reason.  Shunned by the IOC and the Chinese government, the mask wearers have since apologized for the incident.  Although they claim not to have a particular statement regarding their choice for wearing the masks, I suspect that their only intention was to prove that cyclists are total douchebags.
  • And finally, a new Speedo swimsuit is apparently making waves (ha!) with the Olympic swimmers.  Called the “LZR”, this suit, made using space-age technology, is being touted as the most aerodynamic uniform in competititve swimming, helping athletes like Michael Phelps and Natalie Coughlin shatter records and reach blazing speeds in the water.  Many competitors who are not fortunate enough to wear the suit are crying foul, saying it gives those who wear it an unfair advantage.  Furthermore, athletes who are tied to other manufacturers for sponsorships (like Japanese athletes who swim with Mizuno) are unable to wear the suit, but some have been given special exception to do so.  Or as Meredith Viera put so eloquently on Today, “It would be as if LeBron James wore Puma with Nike’s blessing,” proving that Americans don’t give a crap or know anything about swimming without a reference to a US spectator sport.  Thanks Meredith!

For those who wish to watch the only Olympic event without any doping (I think), the Opening Ceremonies will be broadcast tonight on NBC, which is good for them, considering nobody watches their programming anyway.

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