The Lane Train

News and Pop Culture for the Blog Generation

OMG GUIDO FIGHT!

Posted by thelanetrain on July 18, 2008

The news gods must have been smiling down upon New York today, because you just can’t make shit like this up.  Splashed across the front page of AMNY today was the simple headline, “SI vs. NJ: IT’S ON!“.  Oh noes!  What could it possibly be?  Apparently a bar-fight broke out somewhere on the Jersey Shore between a Jersey Girl and a Staten Islander, which caused the town’s mayor to call Staten Islanders a bunch of guidos.  Whoa there!  Them’s fightin’ words!  So true though because there are no guidos in New Jersey, right?

After The Jump: Mayor Pringle‘s (oh man, this story cannot get any better) harsh words

The mayor, Ken Pringle, may have been a bit brash in his tell-it-like-it-is entry…

“Guidos…[are] always tanned to the color of coconut shells, and easily identified by their plumage: satin shirts and skirts for the females, Armani Exchange T-shirts on the Males.”

“We’re not sure if the glass was stuck to her hand ’cause of all the hairspray, or if this is a technique Staten Island girls learn in Brownies.”

“They are as welcome to our beaches as Canada Geese”

“[They are] bellowing – frequently slurred, invariably starting with the sound, ‘Yo’ followed by some creative variation on an expletive beginning with the letter ‘F.'”

Ouch dude!  Don’t talk about the Gottis like that (oh wait, they’re from the other Guido hellhole, oops.)!  But on one hand, its about time somebody had the balls to stand up to those musclebound orange creatures.  Thank goodness somebody is speaking out on behalf of good manners, good ettiquette, good fashion sense, and good ways to save on hair styling products.

Not surprisingly, Staten Islanders told this guy to shove it, and the entire island has gone up in arms, even so far as proposing a boycott to the town of Belmar, Pringle’s domain.  John Englebert, the president of the Staten Island Good Neighborhood Association (no joke, this organization is for real) said:

“We’re tired of bieng dumped on all the time.  I don’t know if he woke up on the wrong side of the bed after wathcing the Sopranos, or [if] he has something against my people.”

Dumped on?  Relax, they stopped dumping on you when Fresh Kills filled up (ha ha ha), but let’s be honest:  Staten Island is always going to get a bad reputation no matter what.  You’ll be hard pressed to find so many cantankerous Italians crammed into such a small area except for Sicily and Sardinia.  And so what, they can’t go to Belmar.  Big deal.  The Jersey Shore is HUUUUGE.  They’ll find another beach to populate/pollute/rape.

Besides, I still don’t know what could have possibly caused Mayor Pringle to label Staten Islanders in such a ridiculous fashion.  I mean, they seem like totally nice, respectable people…

I stand corrected.

(Images via E46Fanatics and The New York Post)

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