The Lane Train

News and Pop Culture for the Blog Generation

Michael Lohan: Father, Criminal, Illegitimate Childbearer

Posted by thelanetrain on July 1, 2008

We all know how crazy the Lohans are.  Dina and Ali have their insipid reality show, Lindsay is (was?) a crazy tabloid fixture, and Michael is the wacko father that ties them all together.  Well it turns out that Michael may also have a secret child.  According to Fox News, Michael Lohan took a DNA test yesterday in reports that he may be the father of a 13 year old girl in Montana named Ashley.  Apparently, Lohan fooled around with a massage therapist (I am not making this up) while going through a separation with Dina, and may have fathered a girl in the process.  Oh you adults, so sex-crazed and desperate for attention.

After The Jump: You decide if there really is a third Lohan daughter

A report in the New York Post says that the girl has traditional Lohan features (freckles, Michael’s eyes, hopefully not a penchant for swigging vodka), and it is most likely that Michael is the father.  But in traditional dead-beat dad speak, Michael retorted with the following comments:

“If the test is found to be negative she’s gonna be sued for libel and defamation.”

“She contacted me and said she had a paternity test with her ex-husband and it was negative and she believed the child was mine.”

“She said I was the only one she was with but I find that hard to believe.”

“She was with a number of men after me and was going through a second divorce right now.”

Ok, ok.  Jeez we get it.  You’re starting to sound an awful lot like this Long Island sleazebag right now.  On the plus side, maybe it wouldn’t be so bad to have a child that hasn’t been consumed by fame, greed, and the quest for superstardom.  She’s obviously more wholesome in comparison.  But then again, once you know you have the Lohan genes in you, you may start wanting to do some crazy shit when you get older.

But for someone who his refuting his lovechild, she does bear a striking resemblance (I think).  From the left, Lindsay, Ali, and possibly third Lohan daugther Ashley:

(Top photograph via Evil Beet Gossip)

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One Response to “Michael Lohan: Father, Criminal, Illegitimate Childbearer”

  1. ktauyo said

    haha I read this in the nypost today and I was like “huh??”

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