Celebrities are Poor Just Like You!

Oh man, have you heard about how fucking high gas prices are these days?  Sure, they affect all you poor people out there who can’t drive a car anymore or have traded down their Hummer H2 to a Prius, but like, the mega rich celebrities don’t have to worry because they can totally afford everything right?  Wrong!

In a story reported on Yahoo today, famous person Sean “Diddy” Combs (what does he do nowadays?  Is he a rapper? producer? fashion designer? appearance maker?) complained that since gas prices are too high, he’ll have to, *sigh*, stop using private jet transport and fly on commercial airlines just like the rest of us.  Said Combs:

“I’m actually flying commercial…That’s how high gas prices are. I’m at the gate right now. This is really happening, proof gas prices are too high. Tell whoever the next president is we need to bring gas prices down.”

This is both hilarious and sad, sorta reminds me of the episode of South Park when the boys steal music online, and then the fed show them that thanks to their theft, the artists won’t be able to continue their extravagant lifestyles.  Someone should also tell Diddy that he can, like, choose the next president because he can vote, remember?

And boy, is he going to have a fit when he finds out you can’t get Dom Perignon on American Airlines!

So….Who is Sarah Palin?

 

As I reported earlier today, Republican hopeful John McCain picked Alaska Governor Sarah Palin as his running mate.  But aside from being female (read: the GOP is more than just a bunch of stodgy old conservative white guys) and a representative of one of America’s least populous states, who is this woman on the verge of becoming America’s second most powerful politician?  The Lane Train investigates the trials and tribulations of the Lady of the Last Frontier.

After The Jump:  Deconstructing Sarah Palin

Heidi and Spencer to Open Bar in Manhattan, Spencer Won’t Attend Unless He Pays Himself Club Fees

The new season of The Hills is only two episodes in, but there’s already bi-coastal drama unfolding.  Unfortunately, it’s not going to play out on the small screen…yet.  According to Gawker and W (from which this lovely picture came), real people Heidi Montag and Spencer Pratt are apparently opening a bar, oh excuse me, “upscale sports lounge” in Manhattan’s Murray Hill.  And in a Martha Stewart-esque move to completely synergize their lifestyle into a brand, they are naming the bar “The Hill”.  I swear to god I am not making this shit up.

Unfortunately, The Hill is still under construction, as the picture clearly shows.  Too bad the Real World crew from Brooklyn can’t party there yet.  But, like, whatevs, the place will no doubt be crawling with bros, or rather, “brahs”, and hot Heidi look-a-likes, like NYC celebutard Tinsley Mortimer.  I wouldn’t be surprised if the Whitney Port Hills spinoff follows Whitneys totally real, unscripted life as she mysteriously ends up at The Hill night after night after nifght…

Well, No Matter What Happens, We’ll Make History

Last week, Democratic hopeful Barack Obama picked Delware Senator Joe Biden, an aging white male (but he has foreign policy experience!) as his running mate.  So in a bold move that is sure to shake up the presidential race this fall, Republican hopeful John McCain picked Alaska Governor Sarah Palin to be on the GOP’s ticket.  According to ABC News, Palin has mutiple claims to fame as Alaska’s youngest governor, a reformer (whatever that means), and owner of the nickname “Sarah Barracuda”.  This is also the first time that the GOP has ever nominated a woman for the VP office.

And somewhere in the Rayburn office building, Hillary Clinton is slowly, slowly weeping…

Fall Television to Become Supersaturated with Michael Phelps

So what do you do when you win 8 gold medals and become the single greatest athlete in the world (and history)?  You go into show business, duh!  The 23 year old phenomenon (and power eater) will do at least two TV appearances this fall.  First and foremost, he will be hosting the September 13th premiere of Saturday Night Live with musical guest Lil’ Wayne, and will follow in a tradition of great athlete-actors, such as Wayne Gretzky, Derek Jeter, and fellow Olympic Gold Medalist LeBron James(I know, I’m shuddering too).  In addition Phelps is slated to make an appearance on the popular HBO Series “Entourage”.  And finally, he will present an award at the VMAs next week.

Any more of this superstar on my precious boob tube and I’m gonna start feeling waterlogged…

Kate Moss Immortalized as Gold Statue, Colossal Waste of Money

The post-modern contemporary batshit crazy art world has certainly seen its fair share of bizarre and strange works,and in the grand tradition of freaking people out and gathering a collective “WTF??”, British sculptor Marc Quinn has added to this ever growing collection of artistic oddities.  According to E! via Yahoo, Quinn unveiled a $2.8 million gold statue of famous supermodel/coke pirate Kate Moss.  Quinn, whose Moss obsession was seen in an earlier work where he created a plaster version of Moss in an odd yoga pose (dubbed “Sphinx”), is said to have created the largest gold statue since Ancient Egypt, with the sculpture weighing in at 110 pounds (about one Kate Moss).  When asked why he decided to sculpt Moss, Quinn replied:

“I thought the next thing to do would be to make a sculpture of the person who’s the ideal beauty of the moment…but even Kate Moss doesn’t live up to the image.”

In other words, it makes total sense that the poster child of anorexia and cocaine abuse gets a fucking gold statue made of her, while other former models who do good with their lives…don’t.  Plus, this has to be the British’s way of saying that they (meaning their people) have enough disposable income to be able to spend it on something as frivolous as a gold statue.

Then again…

Double Feature: Olympics and DNC Wrap-Up

Oh man, what a whirlwind few weeks it’s been.  The Beijing Olympics wrapped up this past Sunday and right after that, some crazy party got underway in Denver.  China won a slew of gold medals, had underage gymnasts, and was embarassed when it got caught for forging the opening ceremonies and when its star sprinter got injured and withdrew.  Then Barack Obama like, totally text messaged everyone that his VP was going to be the spokesman for Bosley Hair Club for Men.  All this led up to a loud, wild, screaming throng of Democrats who unanimously showed support for the junior Illinois senator to be their man in the contest for the Oval Office.  Ladies and Gentlemen, the race is on.  Meow.

After the Jump:  Final thoughts on the Olympics, plus thoughts on the DNC

Facebook the Movie? No No No No No….

 

The LA Times put out quite the disturbing article today.  Apparently, mega-writer Aaron Sorkin is penning a Facebook movie.  That’s right, we’ve moved right into an age where the most sprawling, life-sucking, omnipresent social networking site is now considered grounds for commercial cinema.  According to the article, Sorkin is working with Sony Pictures and producer Scott Rudin to write the script about how a Harvard reject named Mark Zuckerberg started what is arguably today’s most influential website (behind Yahoo and Google, of course).  Facebook, of course, has not signed on with the project yet, claiming that they are constantly approached by hundreds of studio-types who would like to make a movie based on the site’s founding, but Sorkin has already begun conducting essential film research by, doing what else, starting a Facebook group.

Leave your wall posts below and I’ll poke you if I want to be your friend.

Fourth Judge to Join American Idol, Coca Cola to Add One More Free Jumbo Cup

First, to all my readers:  I’m sorry, I haven’t updated in like a whole freakin’ week.  I’ve been moving around and it’s a royal pain the ass.  I’m no longer based out of NYC (insert sad face here), but hopefully I can still deliver the news to y’all on a semi-regular basis (I hope).

Anyway, this story caught my eye, courtesy of Entertainment Weekly.  Apparently, American Idol, Fox’s juggernaut talent singing competition show (or as some comedian once called it, “Future Lounge Singers of Tomorrow), is getting kinda stale.  We all heard that a major producer quit the show after last season, and now a fourth judge is being thrown into the mix.  This lady, whose moniker will be a household name by the end of this season (it’s Kara DioGuardi, so start learning it now), is a seasoned songwriter and veteran of the music industry who’s worked with Kelly Clarkson, Carrie Underwood, David Archuleta, Britney Spears, The Jonas Brothers, and many many many more artists.

As for her signature catchphrase?  We don’t know yet.  It’s kind of hard to mess with the Dawg/You’re special/You’re terrible triumverate, but whatever.  Fox rarely screws up on these reality competition shows. Oh wait…

Movie Review: Tropic Thunder

So as I posted ever so briefly two nights ago, Tropic Thunder is the best comedy of the summer.  It’s arguably funnier than that movie about the stonerfucks, and it makes fun of so many things: the movie business, actors, war movies, veterans, children, etc…  The list goes on and on.  But what makes Tropic Thunder so great is that unlike a lot of other comedies which put the bulk of the work upon one, two, or a few principals (like Step Brothers, or The Love Guru), Tropic Thunder makes every character equally amusing to watch and truly uses the ensemble cast to its full potential.  Plus, Tom Cruise is fucking hilarious to watch as a foulmouthed movie exec.

After The Jump: The full review