Everyone Loses on A Shot At Love 2

In the season finale that MTV made us wait an extra week for, it was down to Bo, the Ohio gentleman who has a passion for sports and got seriously beat up midway through the series, and Kristy, our spunky former playboy model who claims to also be a bisexual.  Everything was going swimmingly, with sexual themed challenges (melt the ice with minimal clothes to get to a heart inside), and sports bars, strip clubs, and sappy corny dialogue.

Well, it was a tense moment at the final podium, and ultimately Tila picked Kristy over Bo (so for everyone who claims that she’s not a lesbian, surprise!).  BUT WAIT!

In a tearful, emotional moment as Tila proclaimed her saccharine love for blonde doe-eyed Kristy, Kristy faltered.  OMG, she thought, I actually have to be a lesbian now!  I can’t pretend anymore!  So she made up some shitty excuse and told Tila that she couldn’t commit to a full-blown lesbian relationship with her.  Now we know she’s a Westchester kinda gal: saying how much you want to do something and then oops, flaking out at the last minute.  She truly is my hometown hero.  How awesome!

So Bo, Kristy, and Tila left the final episode in tears, regret, and remorse.  You can actually hear Tila lamenting over what’s gone wrong, asking herself, “What do I keep doing wrong?  What do I have to do to find love?”

Here’s a better question my little lesbian lover:  Why didn’t you pick this girl in the first season, because she clearly wanted to bone you.

Looks like we’re heading for Season Three.  Great…

(Images via MTV)

Do You Like Candy?

This food quiz on AOL basically asks how well you know your candy bars unwrapped.  Whatever, sounds like it implicitly asks whether or not you’re a fat tub o’ lard.

Some are obvious to tell, others not so much.  I got 11 out of 20 correct.

Midweek Release: Hancock

The highly-anticipated anti-hero superhero movie (whew!) Hancock will open tomorrow in theatres.  The Will Smith vehicle shows him as a drunk, disgruntled, and violent man with superhero powers who desperately needs to clean up his act so he can save L.A.  Sounds like the biopic plot for a Hollywood studio executive involved in the actors strike.

After The Jump: Plot Details and Critics’ Reviews

WTF #11: Heidi Montag

(Montag, left, with boytoy fiance Spencer Pratt)

In a world of vapid blonde bimbos, there appears to be one that stands heads and shoulders above the rest.  The insufferable Heidi Montag, the Hills co-star and ex-BFF of protagonist Lauren (who recently was given some credit for her hidden talent: intellectualism).  Montag was recently interviewed by USA Today to discuss…oh let’s be honest.  There is nothing she can actually talk about other than The Hills and its related items.  So in this snippet from AOL News, she talks about the feud between her and Lauren.  For those not in the know, Heidi and Spencer stand accused of spreading rumors of a sex tape of Lauren and her then boyfriend, which so obvs didn’t happen beeteedubs (or did it?), but whatever, it’s enough material for the show’s story editors to work with (yes, I said story editors.  Don’t believe me?).

Back to the point:  Heidi actually compared herself to Jesus, as in, “our lord and saviour” Jesus, this guy.  The self-proclaimed “non-denominational Baptist” and also “the most religious person” said this exact quote on comparing herself to God’s son:

“I don’t even want to talk about that. There were rumors about a sex tape, but I had nothing to do with that. God knows the truth in all of this, and at the end of the day, that is the only thing that matters. Jesus was persecuted, and I’m going to get persecuted, ya know? But it doesn’t matter to me.”

Yeah, you’re right.  I mean in a way, you really are the second coming of Christ.  I just thought that our messiah would have a little more substance in life.  I didn’t exactly picture him her going to exclusive clubs every night, getting drunk, and yelling at people from across the room about a feud so childish and stupid, it’s to the point where nobody really cares anymore.  But by all means, if you’re implying that one day you’re going to be nailed to a cross and backstabbed by your BFFs, then there might be some truth to that.

But seriously Heidi, WTF?  I’m really not buying the whole “I’m Jesus” thing.  This guy played up that angle really big and look what happened.  Or a better example is this guy and his consequence.  Now you don’t want that happening to you, do you?

Heidi also told USA Today that she and Spencer are planning to go to Africa to “feed the children and help build things.”  Right…  Just make sure Spencer gets paid well.  This will be a bigger joke than that idiot reporter from the Post.

(Photograph via Babbler)

Guess What’s Cheaper

One of these is cheaper by the gallon in New York State.  Can you guess which one it is?

After The Jump: The shocking answer

Michael Lohan: Father, Criminal, Illegitimate Childbearer

We all know how crazy the Lohans are.  Dina and Ali have their insipid reality show, Lindsay is (was?) a crazy tabloid fixture, and Michael is the wacko father that ties them all together.  Well it turns out that Michael may also have a secret child.  According to Fox News, Michael Lohan took a DNA test yesterday in reports that he may be the father of a 13 year old girl in Montana named Ashley.  Apparently, Lohan fooled around with a massage therapist (I am not making this up) while going through a separation with Dina, and may have fathered a girl in the process.  Oh you adults, so sex-crazed and desperate for attention.

After The Jump: You decide if there really is a third Lohan daughter

Tila Decides Tonight!

Tonight is the moment we’ve all been waiting for…when Tila Tequila finally decides if she likes boys or girls.  Will she pick the beef or the taco?  It’s so…tired already.

Well one could only anticipate the drama that’s going to happen tonight on the season finale of “A Shot at Love 2 with Tila Tequila”.  After last week’s premature reunion show (complete with fake fights and lesbian action), we’re just itchin’ for this show (and hopefully franchise) to be done with.  From what I can see on MTV’s TV teasers, it looks like our favorite Kristy is probably going to lose (she enters a limo and says while crying “this fucking sucks”).  And if she picks Bo, well, she can cut the whole “I’m a lesbian and look what I can do” shit.

Just promise us no season three, ok?