Week in Review: June 23-27

It’s been a crazy third week of the blog, and we had more traffic than ever before!  We now have over 100 posts and our viewership has reached over 11,000 total page views!  And we somehow still managed to bring to your workplace or home the craziest stories and zaniest commentary we could possibly provide.  Here are some of this week’s highlights in case you missed them:

• We now know what’s wrong with Amy Winehouse, and it’s not funny
• R.I.P. George Carlin
• VH1 jumps the gun on pop culture history…again
• Boy George is banned from the U.S. and from ordering male hookers
• JC Penney is not okay with teenage sex, but a bunch of high schoolers from Massachusetts are
• Apparently, everyone has a sex tape now
• Kanye West rages on a machine about Pearl Jam
• Two words: Doody Faggots
• A cold hard bitch gets what she deserves

We’ll be away from our computers this weekend enjoying the awesome weekend weather, so don’t expect any new posts until Monday.  Happy weekend everyone!

Friday Night Guidettes

Fun fact:  This is actually our 100th post, and what better way to celebrate than to call some of our favorite families and have their rich, spoiled daughters come pout for us.  Last week’s response wasn’t as huge as the first week, so we’re still trying to see if this works as a weekly feature, but regardless, we hope you at least laugh a little when you look at the picture.  So without further ado, presenting Week Three of Friday Night Guidettes!

Now We’ve Seen Everything…

This is not a joke.  An article on Gawker today reports that for a small fee, you (yes you) can sign up for a one-time workshop or series of classes taught by an actor that will show you all the tricks of the trade so that you can appear on a reality TV show…all starting at $139.  “Alumni” have gone on to such great shows like The Groomer and The Moment of Truth, and have really stepped up their game and resumes.  Awesome, so for a small chunk of my rent money I can learn to cut dog hair or confess my deep dark secrets to my closest friends and family plus a viewing audience of millions.  Why wouldn’t we do this?

P.S.  If someone out there has done this or wants to do this, then we want to hear from you.  The next one-day intensive is July 8th.  Somebody do this for us!

(Image via The New York Reality TV School *Giggle*)

Swedes to Try Weddings “Vegas Style”

Ah, the Swedish.  Inventors of delicious meatballs, fun furniture, and now in their latest incarnation, copycat of the American wedding.  In an article posted today on Yahoo News, The Church of Sweden (not making this up) will carry out drive-thru weddings at a car rally in July in an effort to make marriage more accessible to the public.  Each ceremony will last for about seven minutes, and the rally will have ten priests on hand along with a full gospel choir and Elvis impersonator.  Said the wedding organizer:

“Weddings are getting more and more commercialised and that is not something we have any interest in. We would like to make things simpler and more down to earth when people take the plunge and get married,”

You’re so totally right, because nothing says simple and intimate like a fat guy in white spandex singing “Love Me Tender” while you stick to the seats of your ‘62 T-Bird.  We won’t even go into how much this is going to cost with the gas alone, but needless to say, it sounds like this is one thing the Swedish could do without.

Although after reading this, I guess Scandinavia is kind of weird in general.

Weekend Box Office Preview: Robots vs. Assassins

After last weekend’s release of two mediocre comedies, this weekend brings two new highly anticipated summer movies to the big screen.  On the left is Disney/Pixar’s latest release Wall-E, a family movie about a robot in space, and on the right is Wanted, an action flick loosely based around a group of assassins but heavy on the special effects and blowing-shit-up.  At least Michael Bay isn’t directing the latter.

After The Jump: What you should know before you hit the theatres (SPOILERS AHEAD!)

Cruel Bitch Sentenced to Be Prison Bitch

We all know that rich people can be a little high and mighty when it comes to the treatment of their staff, but it’s unacceptable to treat them like animals and slaves.  One wealthy Long Island woman is going to learn that lesson the hard way.  According to AOL News, Varsha Sabhnani (pictured above) of Muttontown, NY was sentenced yesterday in federal court to spend 11 years in prison for various offenses, including harboring illegal aliens, indentured servitude, conspiracy, and forced labor.  And no Mrs. Sabhnani, they won’t let you wear that ugly Lacoste shirt in prison.

After The Jump: Suffering with the Sabhnanis

Madge to Divorce Guy Ritchie, Hopefully Fake British Accent As Well

Madonna has been with a lot of guys during her lifetime, including that one guy who knocked her up while filming Evita and made her baby daughter, and even Vanilla Ice!  This year, however, will be the end of Madonna’s longest and most serious relationship.

The singer/actress/amateur director has reportedly been meeting with a divorce lawyer to discuss the terms of her and Guy Ritchie’s possible probable divorce.  According to Fox News, Madonna is hiring star divorce lawyer Fiona Shackleton (resume of clients include Paul McCartney and Prince Charles) to represent her, while Ritchie has apparently been consulting with some other second-tier lawyers.  Moreover, the couple failed to sign a prenuptial agreement beforehand, so as the “civil separation” begins, both parties would be entitled to a 50-50 split of the assets.

But not if Madonna can help it.

In an overly extensive article in The Daily Mail, the reports are that Madonna and Guy are “unhappy”, “utterly miserable”, and that they are “miles apart” and “constantly argue about everything”, and since Guy is ten years her junior and Madonna is worth over £300 million ($600 million for the mathematically challenged), chances are that Madge will likely try to take most of the assets herself.  Rumors speculate that either during or after the divorce, Madonna will relocate to her Manhattan apartment, which she plans to enlarge and renovate for her staff and children.

So now that you’re leaving the UK, you can now get rid of your piss-poor excuse for a British accent, but don’t you dare start talking like this.  You’ll be an embarrassment to the rest of us.

(Photograph via Gawker)